Friday Fun: ‘Stop Press’: Musafir

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(A note: There was a school shooting in Santa Fe, TX on Friday. We are numb to it. Enjoy the royal wedding!)

As soon as the world got over the frenzy of the fourth royal baby to William and Kate, the news came that William’s younger brother cuckoo Harry and one time ‘Deal or No Deal’ model, Meghan will tie the knot on Saturday at St George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle. The royal wedding is throwing the world into another hysteria of psychedelic kind.

The world’s richest welfare recipients are going to have a bash at taxpayers’ account. The magazine covers and 24-hour cable networks are force-feeding us with every ridiculous details about them. Good for nothing Prince Charles, a synonym for failure, may be up for a Nobel Peace Prize for offering to walk Meghan down the hall in her father’s place.

Meanwhile, the dying children in refugee camps of Syria have been asked to take a day off while the Royals would be feasting with their 500 hungry guests. One infamous celebrity who is having Marie Antoinette syndrome said, “Hungry children die every day but Royal weddings take place only once in five years.”

Fans are going gaga over filthy-rich live out their self-serving lives. Lip readers are going to have a record business revealing the jokes Harry and Meghan will share during the marriage ceremony. Australians are almost as loony as the British over the parasitic royals who are nothing more than the English equivalent of the Kardashians.

The women in Britain are cleaning their ovens in time for the Royal Wedding. They are unable to decide what to wear during the wedding. I think I’ll probably settle for a blindfold and earplugs.

If you are like me, you can make your home a royal wedding free zone. Here is how to do that.

1. Disconnect your cable for two weeks and save money. You will not miss anything and may be accumulate another million over a lifetime. Of course, it will depend on how much life you are left with.
2. Place a posters around your house saying, “Royal wedding-free zone. Please refrain from discussing the royal wedding. We’re not interested in it. Let’s talk about your own marriage instead – or something more interesting.”
3. Put a charity box in your living room and declare, “Anyone who mentions the forthcoming nuptials will have to divvy up $10 in the charity box.” We did the same for Kate and William when they got their fourth child. We raised about $400.

Who cares about the newly-weds emerging at the West Steps of the Chapel and kissing interminably on public demand. You are better off watching Ursula Andress’ kisses from Dr. No and Casino Royale (1965). The Brits obviously want it, so good luck to them, but spare us all the hype.
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Have a nice weekend!

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