I am neither a Republican nor a Democrat. I come in all colors and attributes because I am truly a hypocrite. They also call me a politician. My countrymen, you may walk up to me and calmly say, ‘you sir, are nothing more than a hypocrite.’ I won’t mind as long as you would continue voting for me. It isn’t much of a revelation to me. It isn’t even an insult. It’s simply a banal statement of fact. Just think about it. I am trying to represent thousands if not of millions people’s diverse, conflicting interests at once! I have to please all of you, so I have to be a bit double minded and speak from both sides of my mouth.
Of course, as a politician, I have to try to distract you from my consistent inconsistencies by expressing outrage at the hypocrisy across the other side of the political aisle. It’s simple, I don’t have to prove myself right. I need only to persuade you in believing that the other guy is a bigger hypocrite than myself. I know you’ll join me in the chorus and will do everything to prove that I am right and the other party is wrong. After all, I represent you. I am your reflection.
I know and you know that politics is a game of criticism. We all were too busy criticizing Obama. Now it’s Trump and tomorrow it will be the future presidents. Our job is to disrupt as there will always be plenty to criticize. I have to please you all. This can only be achieved with plenty of political hypocrisy at play. That’s why I try to confuse genuine wisdom and create a partisan wall of noise. Yes, I am a hypocrite. It’s my job calling out the hypocrisy of other hypocrites to excuse my own hypocrisy. He is a hypocrite, you are hypocrite; I am the only honest hypocrite.
We all keep losing, but somebody has to be in first place. Why not I?