Dork Dunce is very particular about his workout regimen. He never misses out on walking in shopping malls to save his sweat. One day I accompanied him to the mall because I needed to buy a melon slicer.
“There is one,” I shouted pointing to an empty parking space, but he kept on driving to find a more convenient spot.
“Why don’t you park over there?” I asked pointing to the space on the other side of the median.
“Oh, sure, you want me to park there so that I never see my car again?” Asked Dork.
“Buddy, do you realize that you are driving an old clunker whose tailgate is held up with bungee cords and the side-view mirrors are just hanging there on life support?”
Suddenly, he put pedal to the metal snapping my neck like a slinky. He noticed an old lady coming with loaded shopping bags towards her car. She then made a vigorous search for keys in her purse.
Finally after locating her key ring, she stuck a key in the car door slowly as if she was anticipating ketchup to drip from the bottle – “slow and good.” She jiggled the key left and right not realizing that it was the wrong key. She found another key in the key ring. After fidgeting forever, she was able to open her car door. Having dropped her keys in back in her purse, the old lady started digging her purse again like a gofer.
Next she started the pre-flight inspection. She locked doors. Buckled seat belt. Adjusted radio. Checked makeup in the rearview mirror. She checked makeup again.
Finally her brake lights blinked and she started pulling out of her parking space. Dork immediately put his car in the first and revved the engine like a tiger jumping toward its prey. The woman stopped and looked both ways.
Suddenly the old lady slammed on her brakes and started adjusting her side mirrors. At this point Dork lost his patience. He started beating on the steering wheel in rage. The car behind him started honking at Dork. Dork honked too in retaliation. The driver of the other car showed finger to Dork. Dork made the same gesticulation in return. Meanwhile, a red car came around the corner and made a sling shot into old lady’s parking space.
“Why did you come to the mall? I asked.
“To walk,” Dork answered dismayed.