“The Whistleblower” –A Satire by Anil Shrivastava ‘Musafir’


whistleblower-silence-ts-100616847-largeAccording to my maid the rumor was going around that I was a philanderer.

“Who told you that?” I asked.

“I can’t reveal that. I was given this news on the condition of anonymity. My source got this from an anonymous source. No one knows who that anonymous source is.”

As a matter of fact, I always felt disappointed thinking that I was a man of no consequence. I always expected someone would notice me, and then when no one did, I felt lonely. So, I was flattered listening to this allegation from my maid but I hid my emotion from her.

Anonymous source? I fell in love with that phrase ever since the anonymous source got after President Trump. It happened to important folks only. Now I was one of them. Wow!

In the next party to honor Chirkut for quitting smoking after 70 years (having damaged his heart and collapsing his lungs), I was the center of attraction. Everyone’s eyes were fixed on me. I don’t know what ladies were thinking about me now that I was a man of dubious character. It felt good, but who could be this anonymous source? One thing I was sure of that the culprit was present in that room since my maid worked for many of the same ladies who were present there. Their (ladies’) pastime was to spread rumors.

“Anonymous Source!” The anonymity was killing me. I took a group picture of everyone present there in the hope of pin-pointing the suspect later. That night while in bed, I heard a whistling sound in my backyard. Thinking that it may be a bird mistaking the night for the morning, I went back to sleep. Following nights I heard the same whistle sound in my yard. Yes, this was certainly a whistleblower. Maybe this was the same whistleblower that the maid referred to as an anonymous source.

I thought of catching that whistleblower right there, but got reminded of their legal rights. I realized that whistleblowers had certain rights that I was not supposed to violate. For example, Whistleblower protection laws and regulations guarantee freedom of speech to them. Whistleblowers are protected against retaliation or threats of any kind. Considering that, I gave up the idea of catching the whistleblower because I didn’t want to get into any legal trouble. I remembered the statement of Adam Schiff, the leader of the Trump impeachment inquiry, “By law the public cannot learn the identity—and perhaps the motivation—of the “whistleblower.”

So, I gave up on the whistleblower and decided to concentrate on the anonymous source instead. The next time the maid came to my house, I confronted her heads on and asked her to identify the culprit. “Was that Cindy, Mindy or Sita, Gita or Yolanda, Miranda or was that Ching, Ming?

The maid breathed in slowly through her nose, closing her eyes and replied, “Sir, you ae coercing me to identify the anonymous source. Do you realize that this can put you in legal trouble?”

“Legal trouble? My foot! Let me tell everyone that you seduced me and you do the same to all your client’s men. We’ll see who goes to the court. You should also know that during the course of litigation, the court may require you to disclose the whistleblower’s identity,” I threatened her.

The maid turned fearful and accidently dropped her unzipped handbag on the floor. I saw a whistle dropping out of her bag. We both reached for it. After some struggle, I got it first and immediately blew the whistle. It made exactly the same pitch that I had been hearing from my bedroom.

Ultimately, the mystery was solved as I had found the whistleblower and thus the anonymous source.

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