“How To Purge Coronavirus from Your Body” Humor by Musafir

July 20 swami

Do you know anyone who may have contracted Coronavirus? Do you worry that Coronavirus may ruin the economy and cripple the entire human civilization? Relax! The doctors and big pharma companies won’t tell you how people in other parts of the world are ridding themselves of the virus without going to the hospital or any spiritual healer. If you care about our global family, your own family or for yourself, try these reliable and proven remedies at the comfort of your own home.

The Indians have defeated the Coronavirus just by blowing conch shells on their front porches. Our government will not tell you that since they don’t want to destruct our expensive medical system. In case you don’t know what a conch shell is, don’t bother. You may just clap instead. Of course, that won’t be as effective as a conch shell. Want the proof? India, a country of 1.3 billion people has recorded only 59,662 cases of Corona with fewer than 2,000 deaths as of May 8, 2019.

Many folks in the Far East countries are trying to fool Coronavirus by pretending to be dead. The brilliant epidemiologists of East Timor mutilated Corona cells and determined that their (Coronavirus’) IQ was as low as 5 or 6, therefore, it was quite easy to fool them. Once Corona senses them dead they depart from East Timor to other countries, preferably the United States. Only 25 people are infected with Corona in East Timor and no one has died with the infection yet.

Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus’ (Director-General, World Health Organization -WHO), own country, Ethiopia has recorded only 195 cases of Coronavirus and 5 deaths, so far. Their secret is the use of an herbal syrup. The herbal syrup is simple to make. Squeeze honeysuckle with opium flower. Mix them together in a blender. Pour the mixture in 5 ounces of golden rum from Chad (Chad is a country). That’s what, probably, Dry Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus uses himself. You have to believe him since he was the Health Minister of the great Abyssinian nation before joining WHO.

If you believe in flying pigs and unicorns, you may try this. Breathing hot air kills Coronavirus. The nation of Kiribati, where air is always hot, has not registered any virus cases, so far. Their Minister of Health, Dr. Kautu Tenaua has suggested breathing hot air from a hair dryer. Hey! I do it every day. Am I not free of Covid-19?

The best advice, so far, comes from Swami Chakrapani Maharaj. The Swami said cow urine and cow dung can be used for treating Coronavirus disease. The way to do it is shave all parts of your body and rub a generous amount of cow dung allover. Drink a cup of cow urine following that. You will be virus free within six hours. Swami Chakrapani Maharaj uses this on himself. If you still feel skeptical, You may like to look at his sunny face in the photo below.

Just the other day, a reliable source on Facebook (there is nothing more reliable than Facebook) suggested the following recipe to avoid and cure the Coronavirus. Boil 10 gm of water and mix it with musta, parpat, usher, udeechya and nagar. Drink it every day.

If everything else fails, do it the hard way. Isolate yourself from the world, wear facemask, wash your hands every 20 seconds for 20 seconds, look ugly, bicker with your spouse and watch the reruns of “Want to Marry Harry?” all day. Good luck!

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