Just about a year ago, no one was even aware of Coronavirus and Dr. Ouchy’s existence. Now both are in our face all the time. I knew Ouchy ever since he was a cranky teenage-weakling always looking for attention that he never could get.
Now he is everywhere all the time frightening us with his stern warnings. Suddenly, he became a fixture on all the national channels guiding our karmas and determining their consequences. He gets upset when people don’t pay attention to what he says. Dr. Ouchy hates people checking their cell phones while he talks. He wants everyone to drop what they are doing and listen to him attentively.
Mothers now discipline their kids by saying, “Behave otherwise Dr. Ouchy will take you away.” Even my dog is afraid of him. He stops barking when Dr. Ouchy appears on TV. He has been driving everyone a little bit nutso.
Dr. Ouchy knew that his day will come. There is always the pandemic of the century and this time it came in the form of Coronavirus. Now he tells us daily how many people will die and keeps revising the forecast upwards.
My wife is a great fan of Dr. Ouchy. She forces me to eat unappetizing stuffs and watches my behavior like a hawk. Just the other night while I was mixing vermouth in sweet martini, she stopped me and asked, “Have you asked Dr. Ouchy how much vermouth you should be adding to your drink?”
“No! But how can I ask him that? “
“Well, he is on TV all the time and loves taking calls from viewers like you. You can just dial the station and ask or you may send him an email. I am pretty sure, he’d answer,” she replied.
Finally, I got Dr. Ouchy’s attention and asked him, “Why are you doing this to us?”
“It’s been a little lonely for me all my life,” Dr. Ouchy said, “Finally, now it’s my time kiddo!.”
All the dictators of the world love Dr. Ouchy. There is a rumor that Iranian government wants to make him the Ayatollah of all diseases. Putin wants to make him the Czar of all pandemics. India wants to make him the Maharaja of all plagues. Hearing these rumors, the United States just declared him a national treasure, thus he cannot be acquired by any other country.
Online school syllabi are being revised all over America to add the following passages
“Who invented the cure for Coronavirus?”
“Who do you trust next to Jesus Christ?”
“Why do you trust Dr. Ouchy so much?”
“Because God can’t help us since He is in quarantine.”
Dr. Ouchy became an overnight sex symbol. A grimace and a face-palm were all it took Dr Ouchy to get this honor. He is now in the collective conscience of every woman in America. Brad Pitt is rumored to play Dr. Ouchy in the upcoming bio-pic.
A tweet from @OuchyFan says, “Dr. Ouchy is the total package, intelligent. kind, handsome, sexy, so good looking oh my god.”
“It’s bizarre, frankly, all of a sudden I’ll be saying things and have people listening to what I just said. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. Thanks to the virus, I am making up for the lost time,” Dr. Ouchy remarked on his newly-found fame.